Yo, Gung Heart Phat Choi

One of the reasons that no one reads this blog except a few lonely, left-wing losers is that we attend to news and events that no one cares about. Example: what is this Sunday, Feb. 14? If your answer contains hearts and panties and sex toys, get out of here — off you go to HuffPo’s Valentine’s Day Big News Page (oh! Anne Hath-a-way and I hath the will, not to mention the wood!).

Now, you two who are left — how about New Year’s Day? That is, Lunacy — er — Lunar New Year’s Day. Yes, it’s the Year of the Tiger (and yes, there will be one day for each of his mistresses), known to Westerners as Chinese New Year, because we believe that only distant foreigners celebrate holidays that aren’t real.

But the fact is that the lunar new year is celebrated by at least as many people on earth as observe the Dick Clarke version. Even here in the USA, they’ll be singing “Dragons in the Street” in S.F., Beantown, here in the Apple, and in many other cities across our land on the same day when others are passing ‘Tweet Me’ sweethearts.

So if you haven’t been drunk for six weeks, here’s your chance to tie another one on this weekend. And if your solar-year resolutions are as broken as a heap of Toyota Priuses, here’s your chance to write some new ones down, put them into a red envelope (the color red chases away blue dogs and other demons), and see if you can make it to Easter living clean.

So if you’re like me and can’t even attract flies — don’t feel blue this Valentine’s Day. Get red, find a Chinatown somewhere nearby, and get down.

I’ll have more over at the Awareness Page later this week on a New Year’s tradition of my own. It’s not very funny, but it does involve burning things — watch for it.